The End of Silence - Last Way Out

Post date: Aug 31, 2016 7:26:07 AM

This song is an older piece. I wrote it with the intention of being as raw as possible in how I felt about social life during my time at college. One of the things I like most about this song is the raw emotion of lines like "Sometimes it feels like who I am is not enough for anyone here"., which is also the main emotional hook of the song.

So here's the story behind the song.

When I was in college, I knew a lot of people. But a lot of people didn't know me. I hid behind the party scene in a sort of conceited attempt to seem cool. That backfired and I'm pretty sure I just seemed a bit ridiculous and inconsistent. On one hand, I wanted to be accepted by people, but on the other hand being a Christian (or as one funny fellow put it "being into Jeebus") in a very post-christian atmosphere was tough. Further to that is I really didn't know who I was until I was well on my way in life.

So I chose the path of least resistance. As an avid music lover, a decent guitar player and having a voice, I used what talents I had to score wins with other local talent to form bands, play some shows and generally got to hang out with some very cool people. But all of this came at the expense of my identity. 

So the grand irony of this song is that while I felt like I wasn't being accepted for who I really was, I never fully showed my cards to anyone. So if I was rejected, people were rejecting a shadow of my true self. The sabotage in this song is that I would set myself up for failure (which would always come ...) with each newly formed friendship or relationship by not letting people in on who I really was inside. And this is perhaps the greatest disservice anyone can do to themselves and others.

Incidentally, one of the things that I love about the recovery movements is that if you ever go into a recovery group (even if you don't have anything to recover from, try visiting one), you'll find a B.S. free zone. People are brutally honest with both themselves and each other, and it's refreshing to experience. It's something that sadly, you don't even see much of in churches - which is exactly where one would expect to see such honesty; from people who believe they are hopelessly broken yet unimaginably loved. Anyway, I digress.

In the song's second verse, the author (me) is seeming to speak to another person telling them to leave. But in another ironic twist, the words "don't forget your friends" turns the accusing tone around. 

The big lesson for me in my early adult life was to just be myself. It's much, much less stressful. It doesn't shield you from rejection or people misunderstanding you, but at least they'll be misunderstanding YOU, and not some poorly devised facsimile.